Friday, May 31, 2019

Men and women

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Michelle Norvell


English 111, Donna Ladd


Contrast essay- /11


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The Proof that Men and Women are NOT Alike


Men are a mystery to me, and no matter what anyone has said or proven, men and woman are not alike. They are different as night and day. Men think, act, and respond to life in obscure ways. It's amazing how women ever get along with, live, love, and tolerate men on a daily basis.


Have you ever heard of a woman forgetting an anniversary, Valentines Day or the day they met their husband? No, this doesnt happen. However, if a man forgets these dates it is a good, valid reason for a divorce. This happens easily for men, because memories are non-existent in a man. Have you ever watched a football game? If you have, you will notice all of the instant replays. This is simply because men have already forgotten what has happened! Women remember everything. A woman can tell her mate the last time he left the toilet seat up, the prices of everything on sale at her favorite department store, or the last time her mate cooked, even if it was three years ago. Men forget their mistakes with astounding ease. A Man thinks that there is no use in two people remembering the same thing, because he knows that his mate will remember. A woman's memory is so alert, that she can remember details of an argument that occurred ten years to the day, and remind her partner how he was indeed wrong and is still wrong.


A man does not call a relationship a relationship. He refers to it as, that time when me and Suzie was doing it on a semi-regular basis. When a relationship ends, a woman will cry and pour her heart out to her girlfriends, and she will write a poem titled All Men Are Idiots. Then she will get on with her life. A man has a little more trouble letting go. Six months after the break-up, at 00 a.m. on a Saturday night, he will call drunk and say, I just wanted to let you know you ruined my life, and Ill never forgive you, and I hate you, and youre a total floozy. But, I want you to know theres always a chance for us. Most men have made this phone call at least once.


Men simply can't enjoy some of the simple pleasures in life, like shopping. Men hate to shop. A man will pay two dollars for a one-dollar item he wants. A woman will pay one dollar for a two-dollar item that she doesnt want. Go to any department store, and notice that nine times out of ten, the men's department is usually on the first floor, and two inches from the door. The men's department is much smaller than the women's, and it was made this way on purpose. Whoever designed the store knew that this floor plan is essential to keep a man's attention. Women however, will make a day trip out of shopping and shopping is a social activity. Women will invite her friends, family, and make new friends while at the mall. The day can easily pass by while socializing, hunting down bargains and trying on new fashions. A man will never tolerate this. A man treats shopping as a mission, with a specific goal in mind. He simply enters the store, finds what he is looking for and leaves. A man rarely tries on clothing; this would take to much time. Women take clothing much more seriously than men. Ive never seen a man walk into a party and say, Oh no, Im so embarrassed; Ive got to get out of here. Theres another man wearing a black tuxedo.


Grocery shopping is quite the opposite of the department store. A woman makes a list of the things she needs and then goes to the store and buys them. A man will wait with much patience, until the only items left in his fridge are half a lemon and something turning green. Then he goes grocery shopping. This is quite an accomplishment, and he buys everything that looks good. He will have his cart packed tightly and it will look like he is buying food for a small army. You will then observe him heading towards checkout, in the ten items or less lane.


Men are overly sensitive individuals. For example, you will not find a woman get mad if she builds a fire and the log doesn't burn. If this happens to a man, he will take it very personally. His reaction is predictable; he will most likely will kick and jump on the log until its mulch. A woman will simply go buy some new matches and ask for help. Men become very upset when they loose a game. A woman will practice, and try to get better if she looses. I once played a game of tennis with my husband, and I beat him. I asked him, "Are we going to play again?" He said, "Maybe next year," while throwing the racket across the court.


Often in public you will see a man display a tattoo. A man who has a tattoo, sees his tattoo has a work of art. A woman thinks art is a painting that is hung on a wall. A man is proud of this "artwork" on his body, and will show it off to anyone who will look. No self-respecting woman would look at a tattoo of a skull and bones and call it art.


Men and women age quite differently. When a woman reaches menopause, she goes through a variety of complicated emotional, psychological, and biological changes. Menopause in a man provokes a uniform reaction; he buys aviator glasses, a flashy French cap, goes shopping for a new Porsche, and finds a woman half his age to be his new girlfriend.


If a woman is out driving and she finds herself in unfamiliar surroundings, she will stop at a gas station and ask for directions. Men consider this to be a sign of weakness. Men will never stop and ask for directions. A man will drive in a circle for hours, all the while saying things like, Looks like Ive found a new way, and, I know Im in the neighborhood. I recognize that." This is why it took Mosses in the Bible, forty years to go through the dessert; he wouldn't ask for directions.


One of men's favorite pastimes is sports. If a man is watching sports and his favorite team is loosing, he will often stomp on the floor, and yell the player's names; he thinks the players can hear him. If the team he is rooting for looses, he will often be depressed. However, if the team wins he is suddenly physic. He will claim that he is able to predict the outcome for the entire season. A woman will tolerate this, and will often engage in this activity with her partner even if she isn't entertained. She does this hoping that her mate will watch a romance movie with her later. This rarely will happen.


Dr. John Gray composed a best-selling book, and coined the phrase, "Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus." I agree what that phrase; men are from out of this world, and from a different planet! It is amazing to me that men and women can tolerate each other on a daily basis. Men and women may look similar, and both are classified as mammals, but men are most definitely a different species than women. It has been said that opposites attract. This might be true, and it explains the mystery of how men and women can tolerate each other throughout the ages.


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