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Would you care to take some time away from this life to listen to my whispers and hear what I feel?
To know me would corrupt the pedestal you hold me on but would you be willing to take the risk and would it matter to you? The words keep rolling off my tongue but I don't even know if you listen anymore. Slowly brick by brick I take this wall apart to unmask this person hiding within but are you there on the other side? Would you hate me if I said I was sick of all this? Tired of being the only one trying.
Sometimes I wish I were on the other end just to know what it feels like to be the one who keeps on taking. To have someone always there in ways you wouldnt understand.
Just take me out of this game. I'm sick of who I let myself become. Maybe it's my entire fault?
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It's physically making me ill. I've caused myself to get sick over mess I don't know how to fix. But I don't know what else to do.
the word love is used too freely. i know who i am & what i deserve & thats all i need. sixteen years filled with relationships & very bad/good experiences trust is just something that i cannot believe in. this is my own immaturity, this is something that is not only tearing apart my self-worth, but every relationship that i commit to & IT WILL CHANGE as i always pretermit that i am only sixteen. fucking livejournal is ridiculous (yet i remain apart of it). identity (& maybe some sort of a personallity), find it. persecution is a given bros (brahhh, i need to go get faded, you got any weed?), newjacks (i lack about everything except the knowledge that hxc is now, trendy. so im cool now! ARE YOU SCENE, OHMYGODMETOO, would i look cool if i peirced something?), stalkers (i swear i didnt know your interests, user pictures, & layout matched mine! we are so alike, OHMYGOD IM YOU!), forlorn lovers (im only 16 but expect to find my soul mate & understand that i am pathetic & im not as mature as i may think i am), sluts (look at pictures of me in my bikini, licking a lollipop! leave me lotsa comments or something!!), the false sxe (i smoked yesterday, but i didnt inhale & i fuck girls every weekend because everyone knows that xxx doesnt include sex, but shh! dont tell anyone), or the attention-seekers (i hate my life. i wish people liked me. i hate the world. i have no money. i have nothing. i wish my daddy would buy me that bmw, who the fuck wants a lexus anyway?. i fucking hate him.) each facade is to be left unbroken. be your fucking self, destroy that title you force upon yourself. relationships either last or they dont last, but they all include some sort of learning experience. &, im learning.
EVERYONE DESERVES THEIR OWN HAPPINESS & I WISH I WAS A RELIABLE SOURCE
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